Young Man on a Solid Foundation

Ten year-old Jonathan McCoy’s speech to end the use of the “N” word has become a YouTube sensation. But as they say, behind every great man is a great woman, and vice-versa. Much of the credit for the positive path that this young man is on can be credited to his mother, Linda Mims McCoy. She is raising a focused, intelligent young Black man. She has been married for 21 years, has 18 brothers and sisters, all but one by the same parents. Yet she had difficulty conceiving, miscarrying two children before having Jonathan. She calls him her “miracle” child. She wanted her son to have the best – not of material things, but of her time and commitment.
The fifth grader has an A-average and plans to spend his summer doing what boys do: Playing, hanging out with friends and - well, maybe not so much like the other boys - building a kid-friendly Web site. Her advice to other mothers raising Black sons or daughters include the following:

Make time for your child: The best gift that you can give them is time. Even if you work full time give your child time. There are a lot of things that a child may not have materially, but make sure they have a wealth of resources spiritually, mentally and emotionally. You don’t have to them everything they want, but give them everything that they need to succeed.

Seek alternate educational options: Males learn differently from females. Jonathan is very strong-willed and extremely opinionated. Sometimes in the predominantly White schools, it became a challenge. They would say he was so smart but they would say he was a bad seed, because he would challenge them on everything. It wasn’t a defiant challenge; he just wanted to know. They pulled him out of regular school and put him into virtual school online. There are home school programs online that are absolutely free. They are public schools and they give you all the materials - a printer and a computer loaded with everything that you need. They give you everything that will enhance your child’s education. Give them the flexibility to learn at their own pace. The virtual schools are a year ahead of public school. As long as you pass the assessment for the grade level you can start wherever you are academically. Our best friends have homeschooled four sons – two have graduated from college, one is just about to graduate from high school and the last one will finish high school in a couple of years. You may be the only chip in the cookie, but whatever is best... But to be successful with it, you have to make the time. If you don’t it’s really a waste. You also have online teachers. Not only are you teaching them, but they have to take Language Arts and Math with a webcam and a teacher with other children in the same state, just like signing up for an online college class.

Be willing to adapt when necessary: Jonathan’s going to middle school in the fall. He is signed up for virtual school and for public school as well. As far as the social aspect, as far as getting involved in clubs and things like that, they may want to be a part of a club. Shelter their innocence, but you don’t want them to be ignorant of what’s going on in the world.

Join a parenting group: Parent networking groups are great. It doesn’t matter where you are socially or economically. You can find parenting networks everywhere. Linda McCoy said, “When I gave birth to him, there was a young girl that came around. She was asking moms to sign up for this program for low-income families, and I signed up anyway. I started going to some of their meetings where they taught parents how to take care of their children and gave them an opportunity to have an outlet.” Look online or go to your local community center, there are parenting resources. Some churches (it doesn’t have to be the one you attend) are part of a network of sources for parents.

Engage them: Recognize him as a male because males learn differently from females. If we take the time to engage our boys, find out and cultivate their interests and not give them flowery stories and things that girls like, they can learn. But we have to capture their interest. If we try to treat them like girls, we lose them. One of the problems in school today is the lack of Black male teachers. We have all these women in the school system and their way of dealing with boys is they are going to send them to the principal’s office, when in fact they are not engaging them. This is true not only for Black boys, but the same thing is happening with little White boys too. Boost their self-esteem. Constantly tell him that he’s going to be somebody, that he’s somebody great, and that he’s great right now. Constantly feed him with positive information. Feed his expectations; tell him he’s going to be rich and famous. Whatever he sets his mind to, encourage it.

Give them a spiritual foundation: A lot of children’s confidence comes from his faith in God. Don’t let them hold grudges. Instill in them to not pay attention to what people say about you. Constantly give them encouragement at every turn.

Encourage communication and honest dialogue: If it's like that and that’s the way it is, that’s how you present it to them. Mrs. McCoy said, “I told Jonathan that Mom smoked weed; only three times, but I did it. I told him that Mom had premarital sex. I don’t hide anything from my child.” (Don’t forget to tell them that it’s wrong when it’s wrong.) “My husband is much more private, but he’s learning to open up because he sees that that’s cultivating the man he’ll become. Because I’m open with him, he’s not afraid or ashamed to tell me everything that’s going on in his life."

Treat him like a boy: Treat him like a boy. Play around with him. You can be tough with them, but you have to see their heart.

Every child can succeed if they’re given the right tools: Children change every six months. If there’s a growth spurt physically, there’s a growth spurt mentally. They constantly change, and we have to be ready for what they have to go through. Every child starts off with the same make-up in terms of learning. It’s what you put in them. And you have to do it at the start. People say that Jonathan is smart and that is true. But I know that that’s available to everyone his age if they work at it. Some get it faster than others. You just have to find their interest.